If you’re a hard worker whose mind is always “on,” you may recognize that it’s time to relax. However, for some, stress and relaxation go hand in hand. The more you try to force yourself to take a break, the more anxious you actually become. This phenomenon is referred to as “stresslaxation,” or being so stressed out that relaxing only makes you focus more on what’s causing the anxiety (and not physically doing something about it in the moment).
“Research suggests that if you already struggle with generalized anxiety or overthinking, you may be more prone to stresslaxing.” Deborah Serani, Psy.D., professor at Adelphi University told Healthline. “Other evidence says individuals with stresslaxing struggles may also experience panic attacks in addition to their stress and anxiety. And then there are others who may become depressed because they can’t relax freely.”
Why Relaxation Is So Hard for Some of Us
After a long week of work, you’re ready to kick back, relax, and enjoy some peace and quiet. However, instead of emptying your mind, your brain is full of tasks you need to complete. Maybe there’s work you weren’t able to get to or household chores that need to be done. You may even feel like you haven’t earned the right to relax until everything is finished.
A study conducted in 2006 by the Anxiety and Depression Association of America showed that 72% of Americans who struggle with daily stress and anxiety say it interferes with their lives. Needless to say, you’re not alone in your difficulty of managing the surmounting pressure of being productive enough.
In today’s society, there’s so much pressure to be productive constantly. Hustle culture has made us feel like the reason why we’re behind is because we aren’t working hard enough, despite being downright exhausted from all the work we’re doing. This constant burden hanging over our shoulders can greatly affect the quality of our relaxation breaks. If you’re wired to believe relaxation is something earned rather than inherently deserved, it’s going to be even more challenging to destress.
The reality is there’s always something that needs to be done. There’s always more work to do, more cleaning to get done, and more effort we can put into our relationships. For most of us, there isn’t ever going to be a point where you’re actually “caught up.” While this may sound daunting, learning to accept this reality may help you to unlearn that relaxation is something we earn versus one of our basic needs.
Relaxation Is Actually Productive
It may be hard to believe, but taking breaks and allowing your body to rest actually makes you more productive. Our bodies don’t produce energy that can flow nonstop. We need renewal periods to keep from feeling burnt out, stressed, and exhausted. Having more mental clarity from successful relaxation will allow you to use your energy more efficiently when it comes time to be productive again.
Of course, this is easier said than done. Surely, you can feel it in your mind and body when it’s time to relax. You just can’t do it. However, with some dedication and effort, you can train your mind to slow down and ease some of the pressure.
Stress and Relaxation Techniques If You Struggle With Stresslaxation
Natalie Christine Dattilo, PhD, clinical psychologist, founder of Priority Wellness, and instructor at Harvard Medical School, shared with Healthline, “I think one of the main reasons some people find it hard to relax is because it’s actually a skill we need to practice on a regular basis in order to fully experience its beneficial effects.” She explained that relaxing isn’t a passive activity, and you’ll need to make some changes to downshift your nervous system.
Start by setting personal boundaries in both your home and work life. Keep work-related items in a designated area and keep them away from where you spend your personal time.
You knew this was coming, but finding a meditative practice can be truly beneficial for slowing down your mind. This can feel daunting for anyone whose brain is constantly running with thoughts. You may even think, “I’m not good at meditation.” That’s why it’s called a practice.
Start with guided meditations rather than sitting alone with all of your thoughts. Let go of the goal to eliminate your thoughts. Instead, focus on watching them drift by. Practice not assigning meaning, feelings, or additional baggage to them. The goal is to look at your thoughts objectively, with no judgment. A good book that will help you to live more mindfully is The Untethered Soul. I’ve read it more times than I can count, and every time, I hear it in a new way.
Dattilo also recommends creating a “done list” rather than a to-do list. Doing so will help you reframe your mind to focus on what you’ve already accomplished. It doesn’t have to be big things either; making your bed in the morning and cooking a healthy meal are accomplishments worthy of celebrating.
Personally, I recommend finding an affirmation that you can actually believe. For example, “I deserve to relax simply because my body wants me to.”
Daily mindfulness, however you’re able to achieve it, is also a crucial ingredient for relaxation. By practicing mindfulness, you’re teaching your brain to slow down every single day. So, when it comes time to rest, your brain will be able to wind down much more quickly than when it’s running full speed. I started with habits I already do every day, such as making my coffee. I’d put 100% effort into measuring the beans, the water, and the creamer, putting all of my focus into every single step. Then, I’d start doing it with other things, and before I knew it, it quickly became how I lived my life. Over time, you’ll stop focusing so much on the past and the future because your mind will be planted in the present. When you stop ruminating on what you need to get done, it’s easier to allow your body to enter rest mode.
